Get The Fuck Off
by nerdyfanchick
Summary: A collection of ridiculous spamano one-shots in various AUs! T for Lovi's language. Newest chapter: Pottertalia with Griffindor Antonio and Slytherin Lovi
1. Hand holding

Yo! So I was reading some story where, at some point, America said that he noticed Spain and Romano holding hands under the table and thus, we get this. Here we go!

Disclaimer: I obviously do not own Hetalia

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Lovino Vargas was drifting off.

Not that this wasn't a normal occurrence; The monthly world conferences-that he didn't even have to go to (_"We only need one Italy and we'd rather it be the more agreeable one."_)-were incredibly boring, even with the constant bickering and occasional fights. As a result, Lovino found himself, more often than not, completely tuning the speaker out and falling asleep. Not that anyone noticed. Well, maybe Antonio noticed, but according to Lovino, he didn't count as "anyone" (_"That bastard is too annoying and stupid to be a country, much less be included in the general population."_)

This was most likely because Antonio, more often than not, took advantage of the whole "everyone ignores us" situation to embarrass Lovino. During key points in the meeting, he would whisper something ridiculous into Lovino's ear, making him turn a "cute" shade of tomato red and yell in Italian until someone said something like "Why is he even here?", at which point the pair would glare at their fellow countries until Ludwig urged whoever had been interrupted to go on.

That day had been no exception, but Antonio had already played out his usual ear whispering antics, so Lovino had thought that he was safe from being harassed as he attempted to siesta.

He was, of course, wrong.

Right as he could feel sleep's sweet grasp, something else-_someone_ else-grabbed his hand. Lovino didn't even need to open his eyes to see who it was.

"Get the fuck off of my hand, pervertito," Lovino growled as he attempted to rescue his hand from the Spainard's vice grip

"But Lovi," Antonio whined, "Your hand is so soft, like a chica's."

"I. Am not. A girl." Lovino managed to quietly grit through his teeth, "And my hand is _not_ soft, dammit!"

Antonio grinned and began rubbing his thumb over the back of Lovino's hand, a gesture that Lovino found strangely comforting, even if he wouldn't tell a soul. Lovino elected to spend the rest of the boring conference trying to wrestle his hand away, but to no avail. As the meeting ended, Lovino politely asked Antonio to "stop molesting my hand, you fucking pervert", but Antonio once again refused.

"It's so nice holding hands with you, Lovi~"

"The meeting is ending." Lovino attempted once more to rescue his hand. "Let go so we can leave."

Antonio pouted, "Why can't I just keep holding your hand?"

"Because there are other people around, idiot!"

"So if we were alone, then you'd let me?"

Lovino turned red from a mix of frustration and embarrassment. "Shut the hell up and let go of my hand."

"But Lovi!" He was whining again, this time paired with a set of irresistible puppy eyes, "No one will notice and it's so nice and your hand is soft and I love you and-"

Lovino placed his free hand over Antonio's mouth. "Shut up. You can keep holding my hand, but we're leaving last, capisce?

The Spainard grinned and cooed, "Te quiero, Lovi~"

"Yeah, yeah... Ti amo, bastard."

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Like it? Love it? Hate it? Leave a review pretty please~


	2. Pottertalia

Antonio had lost a bet. He was always pushed into making stupid bets that he would never win and he now had to talk to the grumpy looking Slytherin sitting at the table in front of him.

"Uh, hola…" Antonio cast a worried glance back towards his laughing friends, then looked back to the reading boy in front of him, "You're one of the Vargas' twins, si?"

"We're not twins, idiota," The boy flipped the page and responded without taking his eyes off his book, "We're two years apart and we don't even look alike."

"Yeah," Antonio laughed nervously, still holding on to a sliver of hope that this Vargas was going to suddenly start being nice and "ve"ing, even if he knew that was impossible since the nicer Vargas was a Ravenclaw (he remembered because everyone thought the poor kid was sorted into the wrong house, he wasn't exactly the brightest crayon in the box), but nonetheless he asked, "Which one are you?"

"Do I look like a happy-go-lucky ditz? Is there a stupid potato sucker doting after me?" He rolled his eyes, "I'm Lovino."

"Well, Lovi, I-"

"Hold the fuck up, bastard," Lovino looked up to glare at him with the most breathtaking pair of hazel eyes that Antonio had ever seen, his cheeks flushed red and puffed out in annoyance. "First of all, the name's Lovino. L-O-V-I-N-O, three goddamn syllables, not that fucking hard. And secondly, judging by tweedle dumb and tweedle dumber laughing their asses off over there, I'd say that this was about some dare or some shit, so hurry the fuck up because, in case you couldn't see, I'm trying to read."

"Oh, well, I had to ask a Slytherin for their tie, so…"

Lovino sighed and quickly pulled off his tie, throwing it at Antonio, "Clean it before you return it. And if it gets stained, I will burn your skin off, pull out your intestines, and use them to choke you, capisce?"

"But wait, you'll get in trouble if you don't have a tie! Take mine, okay?"

Lovino's face flushed even more as Antonio offered him the tie, and he begrudgingly took it, "You're really stupid. I could've just gone back to the dungeon and got another one. Idiot."

"Yeah, but I think you look really cute in red~"

And with a wink, Antonio headed back towards his friends as Lovino stood shocked, his face continuing to redden to a lovely shade of fire truck red. "Ch-che cazzo… I'm not cute, bastardo! Ma' va te ne a fanculo e ai all'inferno, figlio di troia!"

It was obviously a great start to a relationship.

* * *

Ugh I hate the ending. Regardless, I think this turned out pretty well for my third spamano one-shot~

Translations:

Che cazzo: What the fuck

Ma' ve te ne a fanculo e ai all'inferno, figilo di troia: Fuck off and go to hell, son of a bitch


End file.
